


A life forgotten/A life remembered

by StormyBear30



Category: Alexander (2004) RPF
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-02-19
Updated: 2013-02-19
Packaged: 2017-11-29 20:12:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,626
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/690971
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/StormyBear30/pseuds/StormyBear30
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Hephaistion makes a decision that nearly destroys him…can he pick up the pieces and forget the life he left behind</p>
            </blockquote>





	A life forgotten/A life remembered

**Author's Note:**

> This is unbeta'd and all mistakes are mine.

"Alexander…" Hephaistion cried out in utter fear as he ran into the king's bedchamber after being summoned by an insistent and nervous looking Bagoas. "Alexander…" He cried out again, arms and legs flailing everywhere as he was attacked from behind, losing his balance as he fell unceremoniously upon the nearby bed. He had no time to consider what was going on as a heavy body continued to maul him, hand attempting to hold him in place as teeth and lips nipped at his straining neck muscles. He first instinct was to kill the one who continued to assault him in such a rouge manner, but he held his resolve, his heart slowing to a somewhat normal patter in that he knew Alexander was in fact not in any real danger.

"What took you so long? I needed you…I need you" Alexander purred against Hephaistion's ear, biting at it in playful measure. He couldn't help the smile that inhabited his face at the intake of breath that could be heard from his general at his action, but the smile didn't last long as he was tossed aside with the ease of the gods, left naked and gaping as he watched Hephaistion climb off of the bed. "Hephaistion?" He questioned the angered man staring at him with eyes a fire.

"Do you know what I was doing when Bagoas came for me?" Hephaistion asked, his fist clenching at his sides as the anger he felt within his soul intensified.

"No…" Alexander answered off handedly, not really caring as he reached out to pull his lover to him once again.

"I was in a meeting with all the other generals. There is unrest in some of the provinces we have taken over and we feel the need to take care of this in a timely manner" He knew that Alexander was not listening, nor cared what it was he was trying to convey as the insistent man came up off of the bed and began to circle him with a look of wildness within his eyes. "Several of us are leaving at first light to ensure that this unrest does not escalate" He went on with his words, getting Alexander's attention once he had.

"Us?"

"Yes…us…me" Hephaistion supplied ignoring the looks of hurt that radiated from the man whom at one time meant the entire world to him.

"You" Alexander repeated, his shock quickly turning to anger as he grabbed onto Hephaistion's chin, forcing him to look down at him. "You…are not going anywhere" He spat out increasing his hold upon the man. "The last time I checked I, Alexander was king…not Hephaistion. It is I that makes the rules and the decision and I have decided that you will not leave at first light. You are needed here for more pressing matters" His anger quickly turned to playful as he leaned upwards and licked at the quivering chin he continued to hold within his hand.

"More pressing matters" Hephaistion scoffed, wrenching his chin away from the grinning man. "Like what…oh great king" He mocked with a bow, before stepping away from him altogether.

"So much anger Hephaistion" Alexander ignored the barb. "I know of a wonderful way to allow such anger to escape" He teased, removing the flowing robe surrounding his body as he climbed across the expanse of the bed, laying fully naked and bared before the speechless man.

"Is this what you called me up here for?" Hephaistion roared, not interested in the slightest at the way Alexander was exploring his own body with his hands, trying to seduce him.

"I told you that I needed you Hephaistion" Was his retort, running his hands down his sculptured stomach towards his ever hardening erection. "I need you so very badly"

"You should have called one of your many eunuch's…even Bagoas if you needed release" The anger of Hephaistion's grew ten fold as he stepped forward and hindered Alexander's hand from forging any further. "I can not believe the show you are putting on here Alexander" Pulling his hand away, he walked towards the other end of the room, closing his eyes as the anger that once inhabited him turned into bone crushing sadness at the horrible way his friend and confident felt so little for him and his feelings.

"They can not ease me in the ways that you can Hephaistion" He heard Alexander call out behind him, his anger returning as quickly as it had left him as he turned to face the man who he felt he would love for eternity.

"So you wish of me to take you then?" He asked with no real emotion behind the anger already present.

"Yes…" Alexander moaned, leaning back upon his elbows as he stretched his body upwards at Hephaistion's words. He watched as his lover bound across the room, a smile once again gracing his face for he knew that Hephaistion could never resist him. His smile turned into a grimace of pain as he was tossed as a rag doll onto his stomach, his body penetrated without preparation. He tried to struggle free, tried to free himself of the painful clutches of the man above him, but as usual when it came to Hephaistion he was always the weaker.

Hephaistion took his king with all the anger and fury that dwelled within him, ignoring the small whimpers of pain that played over and over within his ears. He ignored the whimpers that turned into cries of passion as he increased his friction, filling the man below him with his seed before exiting his body altogether. Exhausted, he fell to the bed upon his back, eyes closed as he waited for Alexander to speak, do anything other then lay there beside him as if in shock. The silence around them was heavy, choking the both of them as yet neither spoke. After several more moments passed, Hephaistion could take the silence no longer as he sat up, refusing to look at the man he had just violated. "You treat me as if I am your whore Alexander" He closed his eyes, taking in a deep breath before continuing when Alexander sat upwards, however still not speaking. "You only call for me when you need to be taken, or feel the need to take me. You used to treat me as if we were equal, the two of us coming together out of lust and want for each other, but now it's different. You only call for me when you want me, never returning my advances when I am the one that initiates them" He knew that his words were hard for Alexander to hear, but they were even hard to speak as he fought the urge to cry before the still silent king. "I can not do this anymore Alexander"

"Phaistion…it's not true" Alexander whispered, finally breaking his silence as he leaned forward, tears bleeding from his eyes. "I do not think of you as a whore. You are Hephaistion…equal to Alexander and the man that I love" His words were truth filled as he laid his hand upon the face of the only man that he would ever love.

"I don't think that I love you any longer Alexander" Hephaistion replied, swallowing hard to remove the lie that had lodged itself within his throat, unable to believe that he had just spoken the words, much less possibly meaning them as well.

"Hephaistion…No" Alexander cried out in fear, wrapping his arms around Hephaistion's head before crushing it to his chest. "Speak not these evil and vile words. You are just angry with me. These are words spoken out of anger and hurt, not from the heart for I know you heart loves me as mine loves you" Alexander could hear the fear in his own voice as he gave into it and allowed his tears to flow freely. "Tell me you love me Hephaistion…tell me you love me or I will die of a broken and lonely heart if you don't"

His emotions were a jumbled mess as he fought the urge to beat the man holding him within an inch of his life and then pulling him close as he kissed away the pain he had caused. The truth was that he did not know how he truly felt about Alexander any longer. Loving Alexander had always come so easy for him from the first moment they had laid eyes upon each other when they were children, but years later it was as if everything had changed. He found that he no longer felt the ease of love that used to be forever present. Instead, with each beckoning to his chambers, he found it harder and harder to believe in that love any longer. "I don't believe that you love me any longer Alexander" He spoke up instead, ignoring the denial springing from lips and tearful eyes boring into his very soul. "I am a comfort to you now and nothing more. You love me no more then I love you. In truth we drifted apart many years ago, we were just to fearful to leave it for it was something comforting from days gone past" He hated saying the words that he knew to be breaking his former lovers heart, for they were breaking his heart as well, yet they were words that needed to be spoken to end the pain brought on by each encounter. "We should not be doing this any longer Alexander…you know this as well as I" He watched a full range of emotions play across Alexander's face, knowing that he had lost his battle at the look of anger and defiance that had replaced the fear and the sadness.

"I am the king and you will do as I say…without question" Alexander cried out in fury, grabbing onto the sides of Hephaistion's face once again as he stared into troubled blue eyes. "You will not leave with the other generals at first light and so help me Hephaistion when I call for you…you will come without question or forethought. Do I make myself clear?"

Closing his eyes, he broke the lock that his king and not his friend and lover held upon him. He knew that he was beat, knew that he had no choice but to agree with the words as he nodded in acceptance before taking his leave from the king's chamber. Tears bled in torrents from his eyes as he walked into his own bed chamber, taking only the items he knew to need before taking leave through the castle that had been his home for many years prior. With a heavy heart he soon found himself standing before the stables, the pain of what he was about to do tearing him up inside. "General Hephaistion?" He heard a guard speak his name as he walked up beside him, a look of confusion upon his face at finding a general at his post at such a late hour.

"Prepare my horse and make haste" He ordered, ignoring the way that the guard seemed to be studying him.

"Will there be any others to join you?" The guard asked as he searched the area behind him, expecting to find the king and finding nothing but empty space.

"Nah…now make haste" Hephaistion demanded once again. He watched at the horseman prepared his horse, walking the mighty steed over to him once his task had been preformed. "Thank you. Speak not a word to anyone that you saw me this eve…your life depends upon it"

"Yes sir…I saw no one" He replied the answer he knew to be correct as he received a nod in reply from the great general before he rode off into the darkness.

He rode for hours, day, and months. He rode from sun up till sundown, sleeping under the stairs in the eve, forging for food in the morn. He quickly lost track of the days and the time as he rode on, trying to put as much time and space between he and the one known as Alexander, but deep within his heart he knew that there wasn't enough distance in the world to separate him from the man he loved and hated most in the world. At night he would stare up into the heavens cursing them and blessing them for bringing such a man into his life, afterwards slumbering fitfully as he invaded his dreams as well.

Eventually he found that he could run no longer as he rode into a small town in search of a place to stay, a place to call home if only for a short time. He was directed by a shop master of lodging at the edge of town, as he bid him thanks and took his leave. The place turned out to be a small farm of sorts, run down and ravaged, but it bothered him none the same. A woman greeted him as he knocked upon the door inquiring of lodging, where he was informed that there was none available. Not wishing to take no for an answer, Hephaistion offered to sleep in the barn, work in the fields with the cattle, anything in order to spend time out of the elements and have warm food placed within his belly. He was not above begging he assured her, his body tired and worn from all his worries and travel, as he graced her with a much of a playful smile as he could in hopes it would help.

Her first instinct was to turn the stranger away. He was tall and regal and held an air about him that spoke of more then mere peasant. He clothes were dirty, but there was no denying the expensive fabric and linen that shorn out to all. She was afraid of him, fearful that he would force himself upon her home, take what little they had and leave her with nothing, but as she stared into eyes so blue, all thoughts of evil escaped her. There was friendliness within those eyes that called out to her, but what screamed above all was a bone crushing sadness that brought tears to her eyes and a heaviness to her heart. She said not a word as she opened the door even wider, ushering him inside as she sat him at a wooden table and prepared to feed and care for the hungry stranger.

Hephaistion nearly fell to her feet as he wept in relief and joy, but held strong his emotions as he allowed her to tend to him. "The meal was delicious my lady" He spoke gratefully after practically inhaling the meager meal, thankful just the same that it was warm and fulfilling.

"Thank you kindly my lord" The women replied as she attempted to clean up the dishes afterwards.

"Hephaistion…" He smiled softly at her as he laid a gentle hand upon her hand.

"Astana" She replied with a blush as she finished up her duties before leading him to a small room off to the side of the home. "Sleep now…I will wake you in time to eat later" She smiled up at the man before quickly taking her leave. She didn't know why but she was fearful of the beautiful man, fearful for the place that she called home and the heart that he had already captured with a few small words and a gentle smile.

The gentle stranger turned out to be sent from the gods she quickly learned as he woke early in the morning and worked throughout the day with not a demand or a complaint. He only asked that lodging and food be his payment for a day's service since he could not tell her how long he planed to stay in his current environment. He was loved by her entire family, doing whatever was needed to ensure that they wanted for nothing and seemed happy for it, but Astana knew that something was missing from the mans life and she was determined to find out what that something was by the person she called friend.

"What do the stars tell you?" She asked one night as she found him once again staring up at the skies above, deeply lost in thought.

"I am afraid they only show me memories of a past I wish not to remember any longer" He replied with a sad smile, removing his cloak as he laid it upon the ground beside him, helping the her to sit upon it. She thanked him with a smile as she too looked up at the heavens for some sign to help ease his obvious pain.

"What is it that you run from?" She broke the silence around them, laying her arm upon his arm as he turned to face her, hoping to bring him release and comfort. "You've been here for many months now and never once have you spoken of a family left behind to maybe a great love you are running from?" She gave his arm a comforting squeeze before turning her face back up to the stars. "I feel you and I share a bond of friendship Hephaistion…and you should know that I would never betray your trust and your loyalty for all the treasure in the world"

Her words speared him directly within the heart as tears glistened behind his closed lids as thoughts of Alexander invaded his mind once again. He wanted to deny that he was running from anything, that he was just a drifter upon a lonely journey, but as she turned lovely and truth filled eyes upon him, he found the truth springing free from lips he had vowed to remain closed for always. "It is love that I run from" He spoke on barely a whisper as he once again fought the tears threatening to consume him. "Love on my part, lack of love on…his" He waited for the repulsion, the angry look and ugly words that he was sure to receive, but instead in only received a kindly smile and a nod of encouragement to continue his painful tale. The words rushed from his very soul as he told her of every single happy and painful memory that was associated with the man he would love as long and the heavens shown above them, leaving out the part where his name was Alexander and he being the king of the very land that they sat upon. Tears littered his cheeks afterwards as she pulled him into her arms, murmuring words of soothing against his ear.

"Love is fickle and painful…but can bring you the greatest joy ever" She replied once she felt Hephaistion body relax, gazing at the simple band upon her finger as her own painful memories rained over her.

"What happened to him…your husband?" Hephaistion asked, feeling the need to listen to his friend's tale of love lost as well. "You never speak of him"

"He was killed by some bandits who rode upon our home and tried to steal everything that was ours. I begged him to leave them be…to let them take what they wanted, but he wouldn't hear of it. They murdered him right before my very eyes, taking everything just the same before leaving me and my family with nothing" She accepted the embrace of warmth that Hephaistion offered her, it soon turning into hard and heavy kisses, before clothes were removed and her body was offered to the man who needed her and she him, in ways that neither expected before.

Life after that night became settled somewhat for Hephaistion. He found something that he had never expected after leaving Alexander behind, for he had found some semblance of happiness and love. He knew that he would never love Astana in the ways that he loved Alexander, but he was content and she seemed to be as well. They settled into a marriage of sorts, never fully making it official, yet no one seemed to question them and their living arrangement. Through Hephaistion's hard work and determination he was able to rebuild the tiny farm into one that actually began to turn a profit. It was nothing even close to resembling his former life of riches, but it was one he loved just the same. He prayed to the gods nightly for his blessing before nodding off to sleep always making sure to ask for an extra blessing in that the gods kept Alexander safe and from harms way.

He should have known that his happiness was all for not, should have known that it would come to an end one day, but he had hoped for the best. The day started out as any other, he doing the morning chores, Astana, walking to the area market for needed supplies. He knew that something was wrong the moment that she entered their small home by the look of shock and then anger across her normally simple face. "Astana?" He spoke her name as she stood before him not speaking a word. "Is something wrong? Did something happen?" He began to get concerned when she still spoke not a word.

"You lied to me" She spat out angrily, stepping away from him as he tried to comfort her.

"Lied…about what?" He questioned, feeling rejected and unnerved at the same time.

"This…" She cried out…shoving a piece of parchment into his hands before running off towards the bedroom that they shared. His heart stopped beating deep within his chest as he fell onto a nearby chair, his hands shaking at what he saw before him. It was an announcement of some sort sent out by the great king Alexander to be posted in all cities and towns, great and small. He was asking for help in finding a missing general within his army, one that was of great importance to him and the royal court. It went into detailed length about his awards and honors, then describing him in minute detail, down to the last scar upon his body. Tears bled from his eyes as he realized in full detail that Alexander was looking for him and by the date printed down in the corner of the parchment, he had been for some time. "So it's true…you are him. You are this missing general in King Alexander's great army. The man that you loved, that you thought didn't love you in return this same man" He heard Astana question him as she stood before him no longer in anger, but with compassion and concern as she looked down upon the shaken man.

"I am him and he is the one" Hephaistion replied, his eyes drawn back to what he held within his hands. "He's been looking for me" He spoke again in shock, looking up at the tearful face of the women whom had shared his life for the previous year. "Astana…I…"

"You must go to him…because no matter how much you try to run or even how far…he will always try and find you. He loves you Hephaistion…because no man would go to this trouble to find you if he did not" She cut him off before he had a chance to speak. "Go to him…"

"And what of us? What of our life? You think that I take what we have here lightly for I do not. I care for you Astana and I refuse to leave you alone" He ground out, jumping up off of the chair as he pulled the openly weeping women into his arms.

"I know you care for me Hephaistion…but you love him" She assured in such a loving manner that it brought tears to Hephaistion's eyes as well. "You should go to him…talk to him. Make him see what he could not see before and cherish the times you have left on this great earth"

"I will speak to him…but I will not leave" Was his reply as he pulled out of the embrace he held upon the gentle women. "He is searching for me and if I know men the way that I do…word is already on its way that I have been found. He will come to me and when he does only then will we try and work things out"

She knew that she should fight him, but alas she could not for she loved Hephaistion with her entire being and did not want to lose him to their great king. However, she knew deep down within her heart that he was never really hers to have, that he had and would always belong to the man that she could never replace no matter how she tried.

Days turned into weeks and weeks into months and with each day that passed Hephaistion lost more hope that Alexander would come for him. He knew that he was being selfish to not only himself but to Astana as well, and yet his pride would not allow him to crawl back to Alexander, nor would it allow him to leave the women he had vowed to care for. He had basically given up any hope of seeing his former lover again, until one evening after a hard day of working in the fields he came face to face with the king's great caravan waiting before him. "King Alexander...it is he. It is Hephaistion" He heard someone cry out, the door to his home swinging open as the man whom was the greatest love of his life stepped out of it.

"Hephaistion…" Alexander could only whisper as the man he had been searching for the previous two years stood stone still before him. He couldn't move for only a moment before the need to touch him, feel him, ensure that he was real over took him. In an unkingly manner he ran towards his lover, wrapping his entire body around him, placing many hundreds of kisses upon the mans face as tears poured in torrents from his eyes. "I found you. I found you. I've been searching everywhere and I've finally found you" He murmured, relief filling him, quickly to be replaced by fear as Hephaistion had yet to move a muscle. "Hephaistion…" The king spoke his name in a whisper as haunted blue eyes stared up at him as if he were nothing.

"He is just in a bit of shock" Astana spoke as she rushed over towards the unmoving man, wrapping her arms around his waist as he too looked down at he with haunted eyes. "Come inside my lord and all will be better…you will see" She assured, not feeling so sure herself as she led Hephaistion inside, the king following silently behind them. Things did not get better, in fact Hephaistion seemed to curl into himself, refusing to speak and not willing or unwilling to focus on anyone.

"Hephaistion please…you are frightening me" Alexander cried out in fear as he sat upon the side of the bed they had laid him upon, several of his court and Astana surrounding him as well. "I've only just found you again Phaistion…you can't leave me again because my heart couldn't bare it" Tears bled once more from the kings eyes as he tenderly stroked the rugged and handsome face that had haunted his dreams from the moment he had run away from him so many years prior.

His heart felt pleas soared straight to her already broken heart as she forced every last person standing within the tiny room to exit, knowing that the king needed to be alone with the man he loved in order to break through the barrier that Hephaistion had barricaded himself behind. Despite her heart broken at the knowledge that she would soon lose the one that she loved as well, she couldn't help but feel a small bit of happiness that Hephaistion would soon be back where he belonged.

"Oh Phaistion…" Alexander whispered as he leaned forward and placed his head upon his chest, his heart dying at the state his love was in. "I am so sorry my love…" He began to speak directly to his heart, praying to the heavens above that his words of love and truth would break through to him. "You were right…right about everything. I treated you so horribly…treating you as my consort rather then my equal. But…you have to know that you only ever owned my heart and my soul. I may have been blinded by my own stupidity…but I never once stopped loving you or though lesser of you. I've missed you so much Hephaistion…so much. These past two years have been misery without you at my side. I am nothing without you. I never have been" His tears increased as he gently traced his fingers across his chest. "And now that I have found you…I can only beg of your forgiveness and hope that one day you will grant it to me"

"Well you sure took your sweet time in finding me did you not?" Hephaistion grinned into the golden hair tickling his mouth and nose, coming out of his barricade by the amount of love and devotion he heard from Alexander's lips to his heart. "Two years Alexander…really I thought it would have been much sooner"

"Hephaistion…" Alexander whimpered lifting his head slowly for fear it was only a dream. "Oh Phaistion…you came back to me" Relief filled him as he wrapped his arms around Hephaistion's shoulders, crushing him to his body. "I thought I had lost you again"

"You didn't lose me Alexander…I just went away for a bit that's all" He fell into the embrace, sighing at how wonderful it felt to be back within his arms and just how much he missed his Alexander's touch.

"But now I've found you and we can go back to Babylon…back to our life together" He smiled for the first time in years as he sat back and gazed at Hephaistion, that smile disappearing by the down cast eyes and frown he received in reply. "Hephaistion? What is it? Do you not love me any longer?"

"The very breath from my body would expel for the last time before I could love you no longer my Alexander" Hephaistion spoke words of the purest truth as he laid his hands gently upon his lovers face.

"I don't understand then" Alexander replied in confusion.

"Alexander…I love you so much…but I care for Astana as well and have made promises to care for her and her family. It is my duty to stand by her side and follow through with the vows that I have made to her"

"Vows? She is your wife then?" The king asked sadly, his heart breaking all over again at finding the great love of his life and then finding him wed to another.

"Wife…no" He spoke quickly as to remove the pure look of heartbreak that had plastered itself to Alexander's face. "But I've made vows to care and protect her as if she were my wife. It's much to complicated to explain as is the love that I carry for you" He smiled coyly at his friend. "Love has never come easy for me…or my relationships easy to explain as well" A sigh replaced his smile, but only for a moment as he gazed into the deepest depths of Alexander's soul. "But I would change none of it for the greatest treasure in the world"

"What shall we do then Hephaistion for I can not live without you at my side for a moment longer" Alexander proclaimed his fear like a beacon for all to see.

"Kiss me" Was his response.

"What?"

"Kiss me for I don't want to think about anything for those brief few moments but how you have finally come for me…the rest we can worry over later. Kiss me Alexander and make me forget that all these many years have passed by without you in my life" And so Alexander did as Hephaistion asked, kissing him deeply and toughly until there was neither a breath within either of they manly bodies.

Tears flowed down Astana's face, amazed at the amount of love and devotion present between two such men. She knew she should not have listened, but her curiosity got the better of her and although she had never truly understood love between men before, it all became crystal clear as Alexander leaned in and kissed Hephaistion once again.

"Promise me that you will take care of her…make sure that she and her family wants for nothing and I will come home with you" Hephaistion spoke briskly, fighting for air once Alexander had broken another glorious kiss. "Promise me Alexander…I beg of you for I can not bear to leave your side once again if you can not make me this promise"

"I promise…I promise. You have my word as the great king of this country" He vowed without hesitation, his heart soaring that he was going to finally get his Hephaistion back. "They will want for nothing. They can come and live in the palace or I can ensure that they have whatever they need right here and will for always. I will do anything that you ask as long as I have you back in my life until we are forced to go into the depths of Hades…together still in death"

The End…


End file.
